7th semester in FKG, USU, a boring yet hectic semester

I’m currently in my 4^th year, 7^th semester studies in Medan, which means I had been blogging for the 4^th year. All the posts in this blog of mine are about me, what is happening to me every now and then, my thoughts and a place for me to feel relieved. Why so? I have friends here but I don’t share everything with them. There are some things that I’ll be keeping to myself. A friend of mine who is currently studying in India taught me; when you’re out of your place, do hold the principle of DTA in yourself. To him, DTA stands for DON’T TRUST ANYONE. He said “Li Ting, trust only you yourself for you won’t betray yourself.” Yes, I do think what he told me was right. So, here in this blog, is a place for me to write out what I’m happy with, what is interesting in my life, what is funny, what stressed me out, etc.

I checked both my diary and the posts in this blog and realized I hadn’t been writing since I shifted to this house in Gang Sehat. Again, leading hectic life is the excuse. I’m sorry readers for leaving this blog dead. Some requested me to blog again. Honestly, I really never thought there are quite many friends of mine who read this. I’m surprised. I thought I’m just writing this for fun but I never thought some others tried to know more about me from the way I’m telling craps here. Well, I guess I shall roughly talk about my life since the blog is dead.

I have a bunch of good friends in Medan though Medan is a lonely city for me. This Chinese Indonesians helped me a lot. They cared a lot for me. I’m touched. I don’t get it why some Malaysian Chinese would think the Indonesians are different, perhaps a level lower? But I think they are great people. They are nice, kind, helpful and caring! They are here, by my side when I need help. They are here to cheer me up when I’m down. They are here to hold me up when I dropped. They are here to face problems and solve problems with me. They make me miss my close friends and family in Malaysia because they act like one =)

7^th semester is a semester where we need to be in the general hospital for 6 days, to observe how the doctors are treating patients before we enter our clinical year as co-assistants. 6 days of being a ‘doctor’ in the hospital is fun yet exhausting. It was a great experience there. I got to see many new things where usually I only can see them in pictures on my books. The patients there are mostly of the lower economic class, I pity them when the nurses scolded them. The doctors are good to us, students, also to the patients unlike the nurses who bullied us. One of them made me walk up and down the 3 floors for like 10 times in 15 minutes? I really can lose weight that way! Not only that, she even embarrassed me in front of the patients, scolded me, saying I’m brainless. I think this is very rude and impolite but who cares. I won’t be seeing that lady anymore. That was the first week of my 7^th semester.

Done with Junior clerkship, we’re divided into groups in different departments for thesis. I’m given the Department of Dental Radiology. When I got to know about this, I was happy because most seniors told me it would all end fast but at the same time, how am I supposed to search for topics? I don’t like radiation talks. BUT, be reality, face it, I still need to do it somehow. I’ve proposed about 10 topics when he finally picks one. Drg. Amrin is the lecturer who will be guiding me in thesis writing. On the 4^th week after I proposed my topics, he told me search for some rare disease and now, the title for my thesis would be “Manifestasi Gambaran Radiografis Goldenhar Syndrome pada Rongga Mulut”. I hope I can get things done fast so that I can join the clinical year earlier but I’m just done with my 2^nd chapter now.

Mid Semester is around the corner. I’ll have my first paper on Tuesday and I’m lazy enough not to touch the books till now. I just have no mood to study or do anything. I’m not sure what cause this but I’m trying my best to be my old self again. I prefer my old self, the one who is happy at all times, unlike the lonely me here.

sorrows~~

Can we actually know the way to read others’ minds? I would like to learn to read others’ minds. Perhaps by reading their mind, I won’t be in such a miserable life right now. Perhaps when I can read, when I know more, I might get into worse situation? Do all girls think too much like me? Am I thinking too much or is this normal for a girl? OMG! I think I’m asking too much! I’m still stuck in my Mid Semester Examination. I’ll be having my last paper on Forensic Studies tomorrow morning though and yet I still have time here blogging! Great huh?! Sighs…

There are so many things running in my mind: studies, families, relationship, house shifting, laptop problems and many others! My oh my~~~ can someone please share my burdens with me? Even though they are not heavy burden but I would like to have someone to share them with me =) I think I’m a simple girl. I can get happy very easily; also can be sad very easily. Small stuffs tend to disturb me a lot and because of that, I’ll always why, why, why! Many said I’m complicated. How complicated can I be? I really got no idea. Friends, I think you know me more than myself.

I didn’t study hard enough this semester. I’ve been wasting a lot of my precious time. I said wasting, so I really didn’t know how I wasted them =( Examination for the past week wasn’t really good. I didn’t prepare well for most papers, including today’s Surgery test. See I’m sitting here in front of this screen, typing words, not studying for tomorrow’s test! What can I do? I just can’t concentrate for studies this time. I must really work harder after this exam for my Finals. I can’t fail. I want to graduate earlier to leave this place. Say NO to stay here longer!

I’ll be shifting very soon. 3^rd April, I’ll be shifting and I still haven’t got my things packed. I’ve contacted a few lorry drivers. I don’t know what I call them, to help us shift stuff, by renting their lorry. The prices I asked were quite expensive. Luckily the number Joanne got from Fahimah gave us cheap price but we had not confirmed with that guy about the day we’re shifting. Kelvin told me he can help by using his dad’s car but I think I must confirm with him again if his dad is using that car. I felt I’ve asked too much help from his family. I’m relying on them too much! That’s bad. But many told me that I deserved it because I’m his girlfriend, he should help. I’m not sure about that, I’m afraid others might think I’m with him because I’m using him. I didn’t want that to happen.

The day I’ve been waiting for had finally over. 28^th of March, my first anniversary with Kelvin, I was so worried he would forget the day. He promised to celebrate it with me and I told him I won’t be reminding him so yea, I didn’t remind him and he remembered! I’m happy really! When he called to ask me out for dinner that evening I was so happy I wanted to jump. Alright, you must think I’m crazy. Whatever! So we went out for dinner and… nothing much~~ and it ended up with what I didn’t want to happen. It was a good night at first but not at the end. I’m not sure where the problem is. Perhaps it is me again? Perhaps I don’t trust him enough?

Thanks to this friend of mine who at least still cares for me. I thought this blog would be very long but after chatting with him, I felt a lot better, even though I’m still not sure what is the best solution right now. At least, I feel better =)

TOO MUCH of assignments =(

aww man!! When can I have my holiday again? How I wished everyday is Sunday then I won't be having classes or practical! In my current 6th semester, I'll have 15 hours of practical a week and 18 hours of lessons a week. Yea, for the moment, that's it. I'll confirm with my other friends in the regular class tomorrow about General Radiology class's timetable again then I'll register all over again and trust me, I'll have more hours for lessons a week by that time. SAVE ME!!!

The lecturers are treating us like we're robots! We're doing things nonstop. When and how can I have a good handwork? I'm doing things too slowly! I'm afraid if this continues, I won't be able to catch up with the others. OMG! Please do not tell me I won't be able to finish up things in time! I need rest! I need holiday!

Luck's not at my side. Why is the Valentine's Day this year falls on the first day of CNY? Why does this happen when I finally get a partner to celebrate it with me? Sighs. I was so sad reading the message sent to me by him telling he can't celebrate it with me on the 14th of February but he promised to celebrate it with me on the other day in order to replace this. I still wasn't happy! We're always busy and we seldom meet each other. I'm jealous. I envied those couples who gets to be together 24/7. I don't ask for meeting every minute but at least more often than we are now. Meeting once a week, it feels like I'm having long distance relationship =(

blurrr...

guess what!! It was so long since I last posted a thing here. It was so hectic last semester hence no time for a post here. Trust me, this semester is busier but I just thought of this blog suddenly, the reason checking out this dead blog. I guess nobody is going to read this blog anymore. Nobody is so free perhaps? Whatever it is... funny thing happened on my try to get to log in to this blog of mine and reckon I should share it here =)

I never thought I have this bad memory and yea... my memory and my English speaking skills are getting worse. If you're checking on every of my blog, I guess you can see the changes in the way I'm typing, worse English now. I was trying to log in here but I forgot the password. So I clicked on the 'forgot my password' link... It brought me into these thing for me to fill up. So in the end, they sent an email to my hotmail and guess what?! Only then I realized I even got my username wrongly OMG!!! Anyway, thank GOD they have this forgot password thingy or else I guess I really won't be able to log into this blog again =)

I'm in my 6th semester right now and it just started few days back and I'm like half dead right now. Tonnes of assignments awaiting!!! I never thought practical have assignments too! First time in my life seriously. I'm always slow in my hand work and my hand work isn't good. I'm trying my very best to do my best in my practical. Hopefully I can pass this semester with lesser obstacles compared to last semester. I'm not as lucky as I used to be already. I didn't get the lecturer I hoped I would get. Second day of my lessons, I got back-stabbed! What to do... Leaving alone outside of my homeland, I really have to depend to myself.

As for my relations, I'm still with Kelvin. Yea... We had a lot of arguments last semester and we are good now. Wished this good relation will stay =) Today is our 10th months anniversary. I'm always the Jealousy Queen so no doubt I'll still bring up things at times. Kelvin is good in his patience and explanations nowadays. He knows I would like him to explain things I don't understand. My parents finally knew about our relationship. They accepted him =) and I bet you all will laugh at me like how my best friend, Sik Mei did if you know the way I talked to them and the way they responded especially papa! My dad always give funny responses LOL. I don't mind if Kelvin doesn't celebrate all these monthly anniversary with me since we are both busy with papers and books but I made him promised me to celebrate our first year anniversary together. Hopefully he won't forget his promise and disappoint me ^^ I've planned what to give him on our first year anniversary. Valentine's comes first and I really got no idea what to prepare! Help me people!!!

Misunderstandings

I cannot stand it anymore. I’m weak! I lost! I thought I wouldn’t care what others commented about my relationship with Kelvin but NO! I was lying to myself. I care about what others say about us. I cared so much. Kelvin didn’t reply me again last night. I messaged so much and thought if he is not replying again, did this mean he is sleeping already? I called him before 12AM. I was already lying on my bed. I tried calling him and surprisingly he answered but after I said hello, he cut my call. I told myself “Li Ting, forget about this guy. He didn’t care for you anymore. He is not replying you and now he is cutting your call.”

I was still thinking about it, about the reasons why he didn’t reply me and why he cut my call when he called me saying his phone battery’s problem and asked “Why call?” This question sounded so new to me. He never asked this way. So I told him “Why you didn’t reply me?” He said he didn’t receive my message at all. So I told myself “Alright, Li Ting, forget about it. It is not Kelvin’s wrong. It is the signal problem. Don’t blame him.” He asked what happened to me I just say nothing happened. It is just that I was thinking why he didn’t reply me but now it is because of the signal problem, it is alright. I am alright. Then he was like “Okay. Go sleep then. Goodnight. Sweet dreams.”

I don’t like this phrase. Not at all! I was thinking so hard but I don’t know what I was thinking. It is blank in my mind but I was thinking. I thought of telling him how I feel via SMS then I think I better not because he won’t be replying. I then think I better sleep. Don’t think so much and sleep! I couldn’t do so. I can’t stand it. I want him to know how I feel all these days waiting for a no-reply SMS. It is not because of I wanted to SMS so much. I just think it is of no point if we message a person who doesn’t reply us. I called him again. I told him.

 
I know I shouldn’t show him this attitude before he sleeps but I really can’t stand it. I was disappointed! I still remember how much he wanted to meet me, how much he wanted to talk to me, how much he wanted to drive me when he just know me. I can hear, I can see and I can feel how excited he was. It is so different now! It seemed to me like he is no longer the Kelvin I knew. Why? Why is he so different now? Can we really make it? It is less than a month! I don’t want things to end like this. I love him. I really do. It hurts me so much. I suddenly feel like all these while I’m lying to myself. People have been asking why Kelvin is not driving me these days. I told them he has class, different time with me today. But now it is very clear that he DIDN’T PLAN to do so. He didn’t want to fetch me because he didn’t want to, not because he has classes at 8AM or because he is busy. If things like fetching me is like this, what about the messages and calls? He didn’t call me everyday like he used to be. I was the one who called him every day. Is this because he didn’t want to talk to me too?

Why do things turned out this way? I never expect things like this. I’m sad! I’m depressed. I didn’t message him in the morning when I wake up. Now, it is me. I DON’T PLAN to message him. He called while I was showering. When I called back, his phone is off. I don’t know why it is like that. I then received message from him telling “I fetch you” it is not “Good morning honey”. I waited until 6.45AM. He is not here yet. I thought he might not come anymore and so I decided to go to the campus myself because if I don’t go out that time I’ll be late. I tried calling him to confirm with him if he is coming. His phone is off again! So I messaged telling “I think you really don’t have to come. I’ll go myself. It is late.” I walked out of home slowly, thinking if I should wait just a little more. I then told Joanne “Actually he said he will come fetch us today. Should we wait or go ourselves?” 

As usual, she didn’t answer so I decided to go ourselves. Arrived at the junction where I got to cross the road, Kelvin’s car stopped. He apologized once we open the door. We didn’t talk much in the car. Both of us kept quiet. He looked sleepy. I asked him if he slept late last night. He said he slept once I hung up the call. He felt sick that was why he didn’t fetch me these days because he wanted to sleep longer. OMG! I didn’t know about this but is this true? I don’t know if I should still trust him. Arrived to campus, Joanne got down and I was still in the car telling him goodbye. He looked so down. I kissed him on his lips. It felt so different as if he didn’t want my kiss anymore. I asked him “You don’t want?” He said “No, I want!” I hesitated but we kissed again. I stopped him and asked “Do you really love me?” He looked a little angry saying “Stupid question.” I can feel my tears filling my eyes. I didn’t know why it is like that. I’m afraid the tears will drop because whenever it comes to relations, I am not tough at all! I hate dropping tears in front of people. Not even my parents or my brother. I don’t like people to see my sad face. That was why I always try my best to smile to people. 

I quickly opened the door and I told him “I won’t be messaging you. You message me when you’re free. If you’re busy, then forget about it. Do your things. You don’t have to message because I don’t want to wait for a no-reply message.” Finished saying these words, I closed the door without listening to his reply and walked off. I walked so slowly behind Joanne. I’m afraid she’ll see me with my wet eyes. I pretended I am alright in the class. Some people asked why I look different this morning. I told them I’m not fully awake yet. They laughed. I then received message from Kelvin. He asked “Why are you like that suddenly?” I told him it is not suddenly. I really don’t want things to turn out this way. He then replied so fast like he got no class. It has been long since he last did this, messaging in the class and replying so fast.

I suddenly received reply from him and it felt so weird. He can’t receive my replies. I didn’t know why. I don’t know what I should do. He kept asking why I am not replying him. At first he was like “Hmmm… Up to you then.” This sounded like he didn’t care at all whether I will reply or not. Later, he messaged again “Honey, please. Don’t treat me like this. I’m suffering.” I feel so bad and it was like a sore reading the message. I don’t want him to suffer. I didn’t plan not to reply him. I always reply him. In fact, I always reply him once I receive his message! He then called me. I was in the class. Rehulina’s class, I won’t dare to answer the phone because I was sitting right in front of the lecturer. I cut his call. He messaged again telling “Why you cut my call? You don’t want to talk to me anymore?”

I was like NO! NO! NO! I wanted to talk to you so much! He called again and this time I let it vibrate in my bag. He messaged again telling “No reply. You cut my call and now you are not answering my call. You really don’t want to talk to me?” I feel so bad. Why is the signal so bad these days? Now I understand it was all misunderstanding. I shouldn’t put the blame on him even though he is busy. I should understand more. I called him once my class ended but my call got cut again because of his phone. When he calls back, my phone was auto-off because there isn’t battery left. I quickly changed the SIM card into my china mobile but this phone, too, low battery! What a bad day!

At last I managed to talk to him, explaining why I didn’t answer his call and all. Soon after the call, he received all my messages and said we should stop messaging for the moment because both my phones have already ran out of battery and his phone battery sucks. He ended the message by telling how much he missed me and he loves me. On the way home, I met him in FK. He said he’ll send me home. He told me he was having backache and that he wanted to rest so much. After Joanne got down from the car, I quickly placed my palm onto his forehead checking if he is having fever. At the same time, I’m blaming myself. Blaming on how stupid I am to think I shouldn’t trust him anymore. Blaming on how dumb I am not to have confident on the guy I love. We chatted and said sorry to each other in the car.

Since then he has been sleeping the whole day. He messaged when he wakes up. The messages woke me up. The way he texted, it sounded like he was so tired but yet, he replied me. I didn’t blame him this time although all his messages were just “Yea…” one word. Only one word in his message sent to me. I didn’t know what to tell him. I kept reminding him to drink more, rest more and take medicine. I really hope he can recover faster. I don’t want him to be sick. I don’t want him to be sad. 

I was online and chatted with Teik Ming about us. Teik Ming only got to know I have a boyfriend today and he told me not to lose to people who commented about us because Li Ting is not a loser. She only wants to WIN. He, in fact, supported me and he didn’t feel shock at all hearing Kelvin is an Indonesian. Speaking of that, he is the one and only friend of mine, so far, not feeling surprised or shocked hearing about it. He said there is no barrier between nationalities as long as the guy treats me good. He reminded me to find him if I have problems in my relation and that he’ll be there to back me up. I never thought Teik Ming is such a nice friend because he always teases me but not this time. I guess he knew I’m going serious with Kelvin. 

I’m so sorry. I feel so sorry to Kelvin. I shouldn’t bring things up again and again and make him sad. I’m deeply sorry.

OUKC? What does it mean?

I had Dental Radiology lab yesterday where we took the radiography photo of first molar of our partner. I took Hendro. His teeth are so small I managed to take 5 teeth in a single x-ray. Drg. Amrin praised my work saying I developed it very well. I was so happy about it. I then went to FK library to pass Chia Teng my shiny cap. She will be using it saying the juniors are doing a fashion show for the dinner. Whatever it is, I’ll watch it tomorrow night.

Bong surprised me last night. It was the first time he came into my room himself. He not only came in. He came in, sat down in front of me and chatted with me! OMG! How can he change so much this semester? I always think he is a nice guy in my 1st and 2nd semester but he changed in the 3rd semester into a horrible guy. Now, the nice guy came back to me but he is not the old nice guy anymore. This guy now is an extraordinary nice and like I don’t know what word I should use to describe him. I just think these 2 semesters he has this drastic change in him, from a nice guy into a horrible, irritating guy and now back to a better guy than before.

I guess it is because my roommate went out of the room last night, leaving me alone in the room and that was why he dare coming in? I really got no idea. I felt that I really don’t know the right way to judge people these days. I don’t know which is good, which is bad, who is good, who is bad. People nowadays can act very well. In front of you they are nice but who knows they will backstab you when you’re not around?

KKIM Unity Charity Night is tomorrow night. I’m looking forward to this dinner. Today, during the break, most of them who went for the charity dinner last year came asking if I will be wearing something like what I wore last year. They were telling, they already checked out all the girls/ladies in that hall filled with 500 guests and said if there was a prize entitled ‘The Sexiest Lady of the Night’, that would be li ting =.= Too bad, I think this year, they will be disappointed lol. I won’t be wearing that short and those so-called ‘OUKC’ clothes. OUKC means all-you-can-see. Syuhada taught me this. *sweats* in fact, come to think of it, I think I didn’t really wear that openly this semester. Maybe because I think I’m fat now *giggles* whatever it is, I’m trying hard to go on diet. My ‘a day a meal’ diet for the previous month failed this month. I managed to lose 2kg last month. This month, I can just hope I don’t gain weight since I’m eating normally again.

Normal day =.=

Today is a normal boring day. I had a crazy lecturer who was angry with our attendance in the class today. Then I had Pharmacology lab which I didn’t help much. I got this phobia. I’m scared to swallow tablets. That was why I’m writing down all the data. My friend took the medicine. I think I’ll be doing the same for the rest of the practical till the end of this semester. There wasn’t time for me for even a meal every Monday.

There is a new guy today messaging me. His name is Kelvin, from FK ’07. He got my number from Arlies and said we actually met few times. I don’t recall knowing or meeting a guy from FK. In fact, I think I didn’t know any guys from FK. I meant Indonesians from FK. Of course I know all the Malaysian Chinese here but not Indonesian Chinese. He is the first from FK. I got to know from ZW that he is a playful boy. What did he mean by saying playful? Playful in like disturbs his friends a lot like what I’m doing or did he actually meant playboy? If it’s ‘playboy’ instead of ‘playful’, it makes me feel that there are a lot of playboys around me. Are all the guys the same? All of them are playboys? Sighs…

Kelvin oh Kelvin

I received message from Hanifa yesterday morning at 630am, asking my help to forward the messages to all the Malaysians in my class to go to the campus at 9am to decorate our stall. We had ‘penutupan porseni’ yesterday. So every class is supposed to have a stall selling stuff. It is something like our old MGSS Open Day or maybe other schools call it Canteen Day. I forwarded that message to 10 people and continue my sleep and woke up at 930am. That was because I received message from Kelvin.

Guess what? This guy wakes up at 730am on Sunday. OMG! That was actually the second he sent me asking ‘you still not awake?’ My alarm rang at 10am. Yea… I didn’t go to the campus at 9. I went there at 1230pm. I thought it would be very crowded. Well, it disappoints me so much! It seemed to me that nobody went there and people went there because we bought the Rp 20,000 coupon. I went there for the same reason. Just thought I shouldn’t waste the coupon I bought, so I went there to spend all the Rp 20,000.

I arrived home at 2pm where I promised Joanne to make up for her. I actually don’t know the right way to make up and in fact, I only made up for myself once. Alright, count it twice if I include my Graduation Night 3 years back, during Form 5. That was the first time; second time was DSC CNY Dinner this year. Then this funny girl gave me a call and asked for my help to do the nail arts for her. Guess who? Karyn Lin. OMG! Why must she be that last minute for every dinner? I was doing my own nails when she called. I only paint my nails, without design due to the short of time.

So Karyn came to my house, borrowed my nail polish. I matched the colour for her so that it matches her sari. While doing her nails, she asked if I know Kelvin and if he is messaging me these days. I didn’t tell a lot about this guy to anybody but of course, I asked a few people about him privately. So I told Karyn honestly that he is messaging me now but we don’t message a lot like many other guys who will message like 24 hours nonstop. Kelvin replies messages very slowly. Speaking of him, he hinted me that he will be asking me out one day in a pretty funny yet obvious way. He was like ‘hmm… I wanted to ask. What should I do if I want to ask Li Ting out for a dinner?’ So I replied ‘Li Ting? Let’s see. If you want to ask her, EASY! Use your MOUTH.’ He, in fact, said ‘harr… must use MOUTH and ask verbally? Cannot use SMS and ask in a written black and white text?’ I think this reply was funny.

Karyn told me that Jun Xiang had been teasing Kelvin. Kelvin had been looking for my number and all of us never thought he finally got it from Arlies. Jun Xiang was telling him exaggeratingly that I have 4 to 5 guys wooing me right now so he told Kelvin that it is really hard to get me. Hearing all these, I was like OMG! How can Jun Xiang simply say things like that?! I don’t have any guys around me now! Alright, so I asked Karyn if Kelvin is coming to the dinner because all this while he was telling me he might not come. Guess I’m really always in a VERY blur-case status in these matters =.= Karyn said Kelvin will be sitting in my table and Kelvin already knew it long ago. I only know it now, few hours before the dinner! OMG! The whole world knows we will be sitting in the same table EXCEPT for me! Frankly speaking, I wondered how he looks. Desi said he has class III malocclusion. Kelvin told me he is short, fat and dark.

I told Joanne to put alarm at 320pm so that I can make up for Joanne and start getting ready for myself that time. I promised Amie to meet her in JB at 4pm. Joanne didn’t put the alarm so I was in a rush. Radha called her suddenly so she went out without make up. Amie came to my house with Rubin and Yoda. I started preparing myself at 340pm so again, LI TING is NOT a punctual girl. I met Amie at 430pm. I was half an hour late. Good thing is I got a very cheap beca fare. I curled my hair for the dinner. I wore the newly bought green dress with the newly bought black belt and earrings. I prefer my look with the black panty hose on but I think I shouldn’t wear the panty hose since I wore it during the last dinner (MCCC CNY Dinner). I was so worried of my own appearance. I think I look bad with the curled hair but many complimented saying I was hot, cute, beautiful… all the good words were used. In fact, none of them were telling I look bad EXCEPT Jun Xiang who said my dark circles are too obvious. Am I really that lack of sleep? Gosh~

We were late to the dinner. Time written on the ticket was 630pm. We arrived at nearly 745pm. Medan people are NOT punctual so worry not, the dinner started at 830pm. The food SUCKS to the max. The performances are no good! I felt boring throughout the dinner actually. I feel I got nobody to talk to. I wonder which is better now. I didn’t sit in Amie’s table in the end. I sat back at my original reserved table. Bong, ZW and KH shifted back to the original table without telling me. I went in with Amie so I sat down with her where Jun Xiang tried to disturb me and Kelvin. I felt boring sitting at this table with Mee San, Natasha, Joey and all. What if I didn’t change table? What will happen if I continue sitting with Amie last night? Will I be as bored?

I finally saw how Kelvin looked. He is so different from all the description I got from my friends. They were telling he is a very playful boy who loves disturbing people but I think he is so shy. He just smiled to me, didn’t dare to talk to me. Jun Xiang wanted me to sit next to Kelvin but in the end I ran away from that table. I sat next to Kok Leong in my original table where towards the middle of the dinner, we were busy taking photos and I didn’t know how I suddenly were shifted, sitting next to Bong. We chatted quite a while and we had a little walk outside the hall. Came back from the walk, I don’t know where the others in the table went. All were scattered finding their friends. Nobody was paying attention to the performances.

Kelvin texted me during the dinner, apologized because he said he didn’t dare talking to me. I went home with Amie, Joanne and Roxanne. Rubin was the driver again. Kelvin texted at the same time, ‘Okay, if you’re sitting your friend’s car then I don’t have to worry anymore. It is raining, don’t get cold and walk in the rain.’ I was like ‘huh? Worry?’ Why should he be worrying of me suddenly? Alright people. Tell me. Is he a ‘new’ guy? I arrived home at 1230am. Kelvin said he will sleep when I’m done cleaning myself and all. I told him not to wait because I’ll be very late. I have to remove my make ups, shower, and wash my hair. That will take very long. He said its okay, he will wait and he wanted me to text him when I’m done so I did as he told.

I messaged him at 1.45am. He gave me a call just to say goodnight and asked if it is okay if he wakes me up today morning at 6am. He sounded so cute last night. This morning, he called me at 6am sharp and this morning still the same cute him! Not only cute, he was so sweet this morning. I’m not in love with him okay. I still don’t know him but I really do think that he is so sweet doing these. The funniest part was that he was trying so hard to wake me up, asking me to get up. I was so lazy in the morning. I felt I got not enough sleep. Guess what makes me sat up straight on my bed? He was like ‘common girl, it’s already 6am. You’ll have class at 7am. You can’t be late. You know you need long time for your shower. Quick! Get up… Are you up yet?’ I was like ‘Hmm’ then he chuckled a little and continued by asking this real shocking yet funny question: Did you dream of me last night? My response was pretty quick. I said: A question like this at this time? I’m not fully awake! What’s the time now? I better go prepare myself. Thanks and bye =.=

Sounded harsh? I think so too. Lol. He replied ‘alright, go prepare yourself! Message me later okay? Tata’ I had classes boringly as usual. I met him in FK. Again, he was so shy like those guys I know from Japan. I was saying hello and he smiled, nodded so shyly like what Naoki and the others did last time. So cute of him! He reminded me to take my lunch but he himself didn’t take his lunch *sweats* We messaged a lot more than the days before. He told me he wanted to know more about me. I told him he is sounded so cute on the phone. He’ll be teaching at 5pm. I guess I’ll take my nap that time. I’m so tired.

KKIM Unity Charity Night went worse than last year. MCCC CNY Auspicious Dinner Charity Gala wins!

The dinner started at 830pm. Feast started at 9pm where by 830pm itself, the waited was telling the drinks were finished so they can only serve us plain water. How GREAT! The food SUCKS to the max. It is just some cheap food like we can get even in the cafeteria in our campus. Fried noodle, rice, tofu, chicken, pudding, drinks, and mushroom soup with garlic bread, these were the food they serve us with Rp 80,000 ticket! Yet, many complained saying MCCC Dinner’s ticket at the price of Rp 88,000 was expensive. They should compare the food we serve and the food they serve MAN! At least we don’t serve plain water and we got shark’s fin soup. That was a contra!

I like the opening ceremony very much. It really shows unity. The other performances were NO good! No good at all! I think the only good shows I watched last night was performances by ’07 Indians. They really dance well. I salute all the Indians in my batch really. They practiced dancing even during exam season. I bet the juniors didn’t practice as much as the seniors.

Too bad, I thought the consul general of Malaysia left our dinner halfway was a bad sign of a no good dinner. What happened last night? He didn’t even watch all. He came only for the food! Almost half of the people in the hall had left the dinner at around 11pm which means they also came for the food. A for the Master of Ceremony, I think we 4 are way better! *giggles*

I hate ASSIGNMENTS and I never thought his feeling for me is DEEPER!

These days I feel strange in myself. I feel like want to know more about him. Him here is my very housemate, the skinny guy next door. Long ago, I knew how much he cares for me but of course not my 3rd semester in Medan. That was terrible speaking of him. This semester, he changed the way I looked at him again. I really wonder which is the real him. He can be very nice and yet he can be horrible. These days he has been treating me good. He helped me a lot and cares for me a lot. He cares for me better now than before. Perhaps I didn’t realize how much he cared until lately?

I joined the so-called Roland Music Concert which was actually a road show, introducing Roland’s new products on keyboards especially. The keyboard player was awesome with his techniques. I envied him. I can never play that way! Before attending the road show in Garuda Plaza Hotel, I had dinner with See Theng, Ethan, Roxanne, Kam Hoong and Bong in Jaya Bangunan. See Theng cooked for us and trust me. She really can cook even though it tasted a little salty but I can complain no more. I don’t know cooking. So we were late to the hotel but the road show had just started by the time we arrived. Everybody went in pairs. I felt awkward if I’m going alone and that was why I actually planned not to go. Bong knew I love music and so he promised me to accompany me there. He looked so tired. He donated blood right before he went out with me.

Others are in pairs. Of course they were sitting together. So did Bong and I. We were quiet at first. I paid attention to the music played, also the way that Italian played music. I don’t know how and when we started talking. This was the first time I felt so happy chatting with him. We finally apologized and forgave each other for everything that happened in the past, which includes how I hurt him, how he treated me last semester, how we both were not considerate at all and also our stubbornness. Toward the end of the road show, he asked me if I received an email from him last semester. He sent it on the last day of the semester but I didn’t remember receiving any unknown email. He said this is fate. If I received it, we might not be talking so happily now.

I never thought all the couples were enjoying the music so much. They were really paying attention to it. It turned out that only we both, the singles, talking to ourselves, care not about the music at all. After enjoying the great music, we went back to Jaya Bangunan. There, we had a surprise birthday party for Kang. As usual, I still feel that I can’t clique well with the people around here. I felt I’m alone there even though there were so many people around me. I didn’t know the reason but it seemed like I only can talk well with See Theng and Roxanne.

There were tons of assignments waiting for me at home. After showering, I continue doing my work until 6 in the morning. I took a cup of coffee which gave me a great nausea throughout the night. Roughly about 4am, Bong woke up to complete his work. There, we messaged each other, chatting, like the old us during our 1st and 2nd semester. Again, I took the risk. I asked him a question I think I shouldn’t ask because I think he will be so shy to answer me. I was wondering why he is treating me so good nowadays. Alright! I admit I am always in a VERY blur-case status when it comes to relation matters. I remember mummy telling me no guys will treat girls good unless he loves her.

So I asked ‘do you still have feelings for me as much as last time, or less, or much more, or not at all?’ Am I stupid enough to ask such a question! Maybe I can’t think well that time when I asked. I was so tired and sleepy. Surprisingly, he answered ‘Honestly, my feelings for you now is in fact, deeper to be compared to last time but I know we are just friends now. I don’t dare to hope more and I don’t dare to ask you for hope. Let time decide for us. Be yourself, be myself. We’ll know what to do one day.’

I woke up late today and then continue with my assignments. I’m happy with myself. I never thought I manage to finish up all the work by myself. I don’t like it when those people fool around wasting their time and wait for my answers to copy and paste it as their work like that. Why must I the one who work and they enjoy themselves? They can sleep and watch movies all day long, while me? Stuck with my laptop, fingers busy moving around the keyboard, typing the journals. Why must I be so DUMB!? I really hate those people! I hate myself this way too =(

Want to say me talking bad about others? Go ahead. I’m sorry AMIE but I can’t help.

I don’t understand people around me well. A very good example can be taken from what happened lately. It was said that things happened these days were so complicated and I was so confused but thank GOD I got a few good friends in my life. One of them spent his time with me, helping me, explaining to me, waking me up from all the confusions. I guessed I didn’t write anything about what happened to my friend these days. I was too busy writing about myself, Rubin and Bong. Well, you might say ‘not Rubin again this time!’ but I’m so sorry. It’s about him.

To be honest, he somehow gave me a little bad impression these days. He told me he likes Amie. I was encouraging him exactly like what I did to all my other friends, encouraging them to go for the girl or the boy they like. On Tuesday night itself, after we (me, Joanne, Amie and him) had dinner in Gardenia, he said he had an hour talk with Amie in his car. He told her he likes her and she gave positive respond. My comment for this scene is like ‘Wow… Rubin, you’re AWESOME! The Awesome One had finally lost to one ordinary guy. You like a girl you knew two days ago and now you already tell her you like her.’ Well, I think this is still not too bad. Greater thing comes later. Amie gave POSITIVE respond! OMG!

Alright! I know I’m very bad to write things about them both here. It is not because I’m jealous or what so ever but I don’t like it when she acted that way. She gave positive respond which means she accepted what Rubin told her about his feelings. If she managed to accept it an hour later after the dinner, then what with the earlier calls and messages to me saying if I don’t go for the dinner, she won’t attend because she didn’t want to have dinner with him but it is all because he forced her to the dinner. I was wondering how can that guy force her?!

I’m rude to use this word. I apologize beforehand. I was BOTHERED by Rubin’s call that very day to get my help to convince Amie to go to dinner. Amie was telling me how sorry she felt for me because she thought I like Rubin which is so NOT! She was saying ‘It is CRAZY! We just knew each other for two days how can he like me?’ when I told her about what Rubin texted me early that morning. Well, they went dating and all on Wednesday which was the day after he told her how he felt, also the third day they knew each other if you want to put that in account.

Yesterday (Thursday) they went out again. Exactly like what Rubin told me, he went to temple every Thursday. So, Amie texted I while waiting for his prayers. Amie’s a Christian. The content of the message was ‘Li Ting, help me! He is going too fast and I don’t know how to tell him.’ I replied ‘Oh? I thought you gave him positive respond the other day? That was what Rubin told me. I don’t know if it is true.’ Guess what she answered? ‘Yea… I did give him positive respond but I never thought he will be this fast.’

I’m so sorry but I really don’t get it here. You gave positive respond 2 days ago which also means 2 days after you know this guy and now you asked for my help which I don’t know what I can do for you 2 days later which also means 4 days after you know this guy. Confusing? I myself am not sure if I’m telling things right. I meant if you think he is going too fast, don’t you think the same when you gave positive respond? I wished them luck but I personally think things that come fast will leave and end fast. I’m not cursing them but I just feel things aren’t right. They are perfect match I say. Both of them are tall, one is pretty, one is handsome. Both can communicate well.

I just wanted to say very sorry to them both that I can’t help them. They made the decision themselves. He told her his feelings. She gave him a positive respond. What can I do as the third party? I can do NOTHING! I’m so sorry, really, because I really don’t want people to misunderstand and think that I don’t want you both to be together and that is why I went and tell Rubin that he is going too fast for you. I’m not going to do that because only you know I’m helping but others will think I’m too busybody to do that. I don’t want anybody to think or assume that I like Rubin anymore. So I guess it is way better if you have a talk with him yourself.

It seemed like See Theng found a guy who acted the same like Rubin. That guy asked her out and told her to bring friends. Of course, Ethan is not happy with it. See Theng asked me to accompany her on Monday going out with that guy. She’ll call Roxanne too. With these two girls around, I think I’ll be safe. Let’s worry not about this new guy. I’m not interested in knowing any more new Indonesian Chinese guys right now. I have too many assignments for myself now that I can’t finish them. Mid semester examination will be saying ‘hello’ to me in another 3 weeks time. I must work hard. I’ve been fooling around.

I don’t want him to be SAD because of me

I got so excited every time I have gizi class but today is EXCEPTIONAL. This lecturer is boring! He taught us about carbohydrates. It is more or less alike our old chemistry class back in the school. I had IMT II lab which is another boring thing to do of the day. Bong was here again to talk to me in the lab. Let me recall, I think this is the first time he did so. Then I thought of asking Joanne to have lunch together somewhere where before I asked her, she told me she will have meeting with Prof. Haslinda. The practical ends half an hour earlier. I thought I can have more time online in FK library but who knows all the PCs are occupied. So I went home.

I got down from the public transport at Joko Solo as usual and there I might Cathrine, Tyson, Henny and Rudy. I joined them for lunch and did some laundry when I got home. Blackie said goodbye to this world at 1330 hours. I wondered if my group mates and I gave Blackie an overdose injection. Blackie was so energetic last night but dead harden this noon. I quickly messaged Uma and told her about Blackie. I went to class and waited for the lecturer. This is not the first time. This lecturer is always late. Thank GOD I brought ‘blaze’ with me. ‘Blaze’ is a monthly newsletter by PMUSU. I bought it this morning as they wrote something about MCCC CNY Auspicious Dinner Charity Gala and also DSC CNY Dinner. I guess they copied the article we inserted in the booklet for guest. Columns for DSC were so lousy, no article, only four pictures posted.

If I’m not mistaken, I told Bong in the class that I already posted the blogs for the past week using his laptop last night. I don’t know which blog made him moody and sad again. I don’t know to say if I’m worried or what. I just know I feel bad. I feel very bad indeed. I felt that I brought a lot of sorrow to him. I felt every time he is unhappy, the things will sure be related to me. Am I again, sensitive or what? I felt so sorry I don’t know what I did this time. All I know from his friend is that his mood changed drastically after reading my blog. He went out to his friend’s place and not home till now. I wonder how he is feeling now. Hopefully he feels much better after his nap.

I don’t know what feeling do we call this =.=

Hmm… how should I get this started? At first, I thought things are really complicated but after thinking over a few times, it looked as easy as ABC. It sounded funny too. The story began long ago. It is just that I didn’t realize it. I was so confused with my own feelings the past week perhaps because of others’ comments on me and my new friend.

It is Wednesday today. I think I can make good decision when I’m in a very ‘clean and clear’ status myself. What happened yesterday? Let’s see. I thought I said I’m a little down with what Zhong Wei told Bong to do at first but I think he is right. Now?! I have another kind of points of view towards things in front of me. Think I’m weird? Call me weirdo I don’t really care.

What I guessed previously were all right! Rubin is going for Amie is right. He called Amie that night because he didn’t call me. It is very true too! Yesterday morning he messaged me as usual asking what I doing but of course after meeting Amie, the way he messaged me, different. I had ‘Tooth Conservation’ class in the morning continued by ‘Removable Partial Denture’ which was fun as usual. Everyone in my group prepared so many questions for the presenters but too bad, Prof. Haslinda never let us asked much this time. Perhaps she is afraid conditions will go as bad as the previous week where almost everybody in my group attacked the others with questions! *giggles* Then I had ‘Dental Public Health II’. That cute lecturer came in again.

After all the classes, I went to the library with Bong. This is the second time I went into the library. Yea… I always admit I’m a lazy student. Imagine I’m here for more than 18 months and I only entered library twice. Great huh? So we were chatting quite normal for the first time =.= I meant it! I really meant it because usually he didn’t talk to me. I’m the one who talked to him all the time. Well, I was a little rude I’m so sorry for that. I was messaging all the while walking to the library. Don’t simply throw guesses alright? There are few people messaging me at the same time. See Theng and Amie were messaging me too.

See Theng wanted to meet me at night and have a little chit-chat if Ethan got better. Ethan has been sick since Valentine’s Day. So what happened in the library? I was following Bong blindly. It seemed like he knows all the way so well. He knows where to check the books, which shelves and all. I suddenly feel I was like so dumb to think of looking shelf by shelf. Somehow I think the information we got from the system is not helping at all. There is NOTHING on the directed shelf. Bong found a book for Periodontology but we didn’t borrow it in the end. I didn’t know I have to activate my student card in the library so I can’t borrow books there until 2 days after the activation. Bong’s card was activated but he didn’t bring some I don’t know what document so he also can’t borrow the books there. Sigh… why the library must cause so many problems to us who wanted to borrow books?

Alright, all the while in the library, I received some surprising messages. One of them was Rubin telling me that he dreamt of Amie on the Sunday night. I don’t really believe on what people call ‘girls’ intuition’ but yesterday itself I suddenly feel girls really got those power to feel and predict stuffs. Exactly like what I guessed, Rubin is really going for Amie! This is yet, not the main point. What surprises me was I smiled reading the message received from Rubin. All these while people have been telling that I really looked like I like Rubin, I had a crush on him, some even said I love him. I denied all the while but I myself was confused. I myself didn’t know whether those confusing feelings in me are meant to be ‘the feeling of liking Rubin.

I didn’t realized I smiled replying his message until Bong asked ‘why you funny, smiling to your phone while typing message? Who is that?’ Then only I realized I was actually smiling. I started to think hard about it. See, I got very happy every time my friends tell me they found their true love, they know who they love, they know who they like, and they have girlfriends or boyfriends. At this very moment, all the questions bothering me were answered. Question on whether I like him or not? It is a big NO! If I like him, I would be damn sad by that time right? But in fact, I wasn’t only happy for him. I encouraged him and told him to call Amie out that very night itself which was last night.

On the way back from library, I thought of going to the pharmacy to get myself some eye drops. I think I got eye infection again. I wonder why is my skin and my eyes so weak? They easily get infected. Bong said he is going to Carrefour and that he’ll help me get those things I need. It felt like the old him is really HOME! The old him has back and is now in front of me again. He has been really nice to me this semester. I got home and got a call from Amie. I told her all about Rubin’s message and made her promised me that she won’t treat me, Rubin and Bong differently after what I told him. She still thinks that I like Rubin. She kept convincing me to tell what is kept in my heart but there is really nothing I kept in there. I wished them luck and all and then I had a long call back to Malaysia. I bet you people out there, every one of you will say I’m a little crazy to do that. I called a friend I knew online. He is also the best friend of one of the guys I once loved. He has been helping a lot in sparing his time for my problems. He is a nice friend.

I talked to him for about 2 hours. It costs me RM19. Cheap right?! *giggles* I learnt a lot from this call. He told me a lot of stuffs. He taught me the right way to analyze which is right, which is wrong and told me what to tell people, what not to tell. He reminded me to choose the right person to tell the right thing. I’ll be in dead meat if I tell things to the wrong person. Thanks a lot for the lesson, 4 aka leng zai! *giggles* Alright I’m not sure if he is leng zai. You can check him out, his blog on your right. Click his name there.

I slept after his call. I felt so tired. I was woken up by Rubin again, telling me to go for dinner. I thought I already told him I’m not going for the dinner with him and Amie because I don’t want to spoil their time together. Somehow in the end I went out with both of them to Gardenia because I told Rubin I must come home early. I got assignments waiting for me.

NO MORE Rubin!

Alright! As written above, NO MORE Rubin! I bid farewell to this guy in my life. Guess what happened today! I was sleeping when Rubin called me. I was so blur I didn’t know this cute guy asked me out. I remembered he told me to go for dinner in the call but I thought he just reminded me to take my dinner that’s all. Sigh… Why must I be so blur that time. The next thing was he asked for Bong’s number. I messaged him Bong’s number.

I got up from my bed, went for a pee and washed my face. I got out of my room, thought I better tell Bong that I already gave Rubin his number but nobody was at home except for Loong. I took my dinner, bread with tuna spread and I’m full till now. I checked my Blackie later after my dinner. Oh yea… Blackie is a guinea pig I brought home from Pharmacology lab. My group mates named it Blackie because it is black and white in color. I guess it is dying soon after two injections in an hour time: panthotal and caffeine.

The next thing I know was Bong is having dinner with Rubin. Not really dinner. They had a talk, only two of them! Once I knew about it from Amie, my heart sank again. That showed Rubin contacted her like so close. I guess tonight he called her because he didn’t call me tonight. Am I a pessimist? Whatever! I really don’t know how to judge thing anymore. I really wonder what these two guys were talking. Are they encouraging each other to come for me or what? I’m confused, nervous, scared and worried at the same time. I was chatting online at the same time using Bong’s laptop. I was lucky 4 was there for me. I chatted with him and he said he think I’m not in love with Rubin so I don’t have to worry.

He asked a very good question: Do you think you’re now obsessed over Rubin now because of his personality or merely his appearance? This is indeed a very good question! I am very sure. His appearance took 70% of it because I think I still don’t know much about him. Bong came home and told me what happened between them both. He looked so happy when he is back. He smiled all the way. I never see his mouth closed *sweats* He said once he opened the door, Rubin asked ‘are you serious with li ting or you just like her?’ Bong answered ‘of course I’m serious with her. I know my feeling and I knew her feeling so we are only best friend now. I won’t force her. I only want her to be happy.’

Rubin explained to him saying he is not wooing me and told Bong not to worry. Zhong Wei told me that he taught Bong to say ‘I’m courting Li Ting’ if Rubin ask him anything about me. I think Zhong Wei really knows how to help his friend. These words really will scare other guys off. Seeing you answered so confidently, I can’t think of any guy will want to fight with him for me *as if there are guys who would fight for me sweats* Zhong Wei also told me honestly that he didn’t hope Rubin is into me because he thinks it will be difficult for me. I’m a Malaysian, he is an Indonesian. It will be more suffering if Rubin is going to Jakarta.

To be frank, I’m not really happy with what Zhong Wei told me because I think as a friend, he is doing too much but after thinking twice, I think he is quite right. I slowly found out that Zhong Wei and Bong are two good friends. Mummy called me and told that she is going to send me money. I told her about Rubin. I told her I went out almost every day with him last week. Mummy reminded me to take good care of myself and also protect myself because Rubin is a new guy. She told me not to trust him so much. Since I think Rubin is not going to call me out or even message or call me already, I think I don’t really have to consider much on mummy’s advice. Anyway, I regretted once not listening to my parents (R’s case). I’ll always bear in mind on what they told me. Not only mummy. 4 also told me the same thing. I bet 4 must be a very good friend too. I wonder how he looks in person. I’ve never met him.

Tired!

Alright guess what! I talked to Rubin on the phone till 7.30am this morning and went to bed only that time and wake up at 10am to prepare myself for the lunch in Grand Angkasa at 11.30am for celebrating the success of our MCCC CNY Auspicious Dinner Charity Gala. There I sat with Amie where I thought I will stick myself close to Zhong Wei and Bong at first. Amie asked me to join her in the church at 2pm. I accompanied her there since she was alone. I thought it would be interesting because it was said that there will be special events due to Valentine the day before. We were late for church. We arrived at 3pm.

In the church, Rubin called me but I rejected his call. Common, I can’t answer phone calls in such a holy place right? Everybody in the church was like so concentrating to the talks and all. I messaged telling him that I’m with Amie in the church. I was there because Amie was alone so I accompany her. He then bought 2 tickets for both me and Amie without informing me. I felt so sorry again I came out of church late and he was so nice waiting for me outside the church. After watching ‘Hunting Party’, we went for a bowling session. I don’t feel like going at first. I felt so tired but since Amie was saying let’s go so we went. This is the first time I played bowling. Nah… I think this is the second time. I forgot when the first was. I only remembered the ball almost fell on my toe during my first time. What about this time? Improved? It sucks! I felt so embarrassed. The first 4 games, I hit nothing! The last game, I managed to hit 9!

After bowling, we went to the next door, also in Perisai Plaza. The guys are all playing pool. I was so boring and honestly I was a little jealous I hope I didn’t show it out on my face. I was jealous of Amie to be frank. She can get along with the guys so well unlike me. I still have the same problem. I don’t know the ways to socialize with guys. I see Rubin can get along very well with Amie. He said she looked like Korean and that she is pretty. On the other hand, he said I looked like Japanese. I think somehow during dinner, I showed my ‘so bored’ face out obviously. I was sitting at the end of the corner where nobody noticed me because all the guys were talking to Amie only.

Rubin messaged and asked if I am bored. I told him I am just a little tired. So he replied ‘after this, go home directly’. So after that he sent us home where he has another 2 friends in his car too. One of his friends is sitting next to me. If I’m not mistaken, his name is Jackson. He asked me what course I’m taking. I said ‘dentistry’ he was like ‘oh’, continued by asking Amie the same question. Amie didn’t listen so I told him she is ‘dokter umum’ he got so shocked! All of them said they thought she was taking accountancy or economics because her face looked like she is a secretary because she is pretty. Me in contrary, is having dentist look.

Arrived home, I received message from Rubin asking for Amie’s number. The whole night with Rubin and his friends, I didn’t feel nice and comfortable actually. I always wanted to be the centre of attention but tonight I’m the one who held the position where nobody noticed me. The moment reading Rubin’s message, I felt Rubin is going for Amie. I think he won’t mind about the age matter since his ex was 3 years older. I gave him Amie’s number and wished Amie luck.