thanks thanks thanks

I'm so touched knowing all these old friends in Malaysia still care so much for me. I'm sorry to make you all worry of me because of my relationship. Perhaps it is all because I'm still new in this relation. Time will change things into better! I'm seriously surprised reading your comments, emails etc. I seriously never thought you people would spare your time for such long wods for me. I appreciate them really. Guess what?! I've saved them in my diary =) I love you people! I miss MGS life so much! There, I can chat with each and everyone of you freely. Thanks for checking out my blog even though this blog has been dead. I desperately need listener here leaving alone in Medan. I miss all of you so much!

I musn't give up easily!

There are still people supporting me even though many commented about my relation with Kelvin. I asked why is it so shocking to know I'm with Kelvin now. Their replies were funny. I mean, they didn't really replied. They just said "because... it's Kelvin?!! and Li Ting! I mean, Li Ting and ... err... Kelvin? Just shocking. I'm so sorry for being so judgmental." What do they mean by this?

I received a comment from G-dah. I published it. You people can just click the button below to read it. It is so nice for her to wish the best for me even though she sounded surprised knowing me having an Indonesian boyfriend. I really need more supports from my friends to build up and increase my self-confidence. These days I have been so down. I have no confident for myself. I hate myself for doubting Kelvin.

I shouldn't think negatively. Well, I'm not as optimistic as others think of me. I had enough this one week. Today is the 31st day we are together. Perhaps I'm thinking too much. That is what i must not do! All I have to do now is, exactly like what G-dah just commented, TRUST! I must have faith in our relation. I must trust my partner. I must believe that we can make it. I must not give up so easily. I must not cry anymore for what had happened in the past because crying helps NOTHING. We can't change what has already happened. I must learn to be tough.

I just messaged Kelvin and I promised not to change. I promised him I won't give up on our relation so easily and I want him to do the same. Give us both some time. Perhaps it is like what Tracie told me. We just got together. Maybe this is the reason why I feel insecure being with a busy guy who spends little time with me. I'm just not used to this new life. TIme will change things and I will soon adapt myself perfectly into this new life with Kelvin.

Misunderstandings

I cannot stand it anymore. I’m weak! I lost! I thought I wouldn’t care what others commented about my relationship with Kelvin but NO! I was lying to myself. I care about what others say about us. I cared so much. Kelvin didn’t reply me again last night. I messaged so much and thought if he is not replying again, did this mean he is sleeping already? I called him before 12AM. I was already lying on my bed. I tried calling him and surprisingly he answered but after I said hello, he cut my call. I told myself “Li Ting, forget about this guy. He didn’t care for you anymore. He is not replying you and now he is cutting your call.”

I was still thinking about it, about the reasons why he didn’t reply me and why he cut my call when he called me saying his phone battery’s problem and asked “Why call?” This question sounded so new to me. He never asked this way. So I told him “Why you didn’t reply me?” He said he didn’t receive my message at all. So I told myself “Alright, Li Ting, forget about it. It is not Kelvin’s wrong. It is the signal problem. Don’t blame him.” He asked what happened to me I just say nothing happened. It is just that I was thinking why he didn’t reply me but now it is because of the signal problem, it is alright. I am alright. Then he was like “Okay. Go sleep then. Goodnight. Sweet dreams.”

I don’t like this phrase. Not at all! I was thinking so hard but I don’t know what I was thinking. It is blank in my mind but I was thinking. I thought of telling him how I feel via SMS then I think I better not because he won’t be replying. I then think I better sleep. Don’t think so much and sleep! I couldn’t do so. I can’t stand it. I want him to know how I feel all these days waiting for a no-reply SMS. It is not because of I wanted to SMS so much. I just think it is of no point if we message a person who doesn’t reply us. I called him again. I told him.

 
I know I shouldn’t show him this attitude before he sleeps but I really can’t stand it. I was disappointed! I still remember how much he wanted to meet me, how much he wanted to talk to me, how much he wanted to drive me when he just know me. I can hear, I can see and I can feel how excited he was. It is so different now! It seemed to me like he is no longer the Kelvin I knew. Why? Why is he so different now? Can we really make it? It is less than a month! I don’t want things to end like this. I love him. I really do. It hurts me so much. I suddenly feel like all these while I’m lying to myself. People have been asking why Kelvin is not driving me these days. I told them he has class, different time with me today. But now it is very clear that he DIDN’T PLAN to do so. He didn’t want to fetch me because he didn’t want to, not because he has classes at 8AM or because he is busy. If things like fetching me is like this, what about the messages and calls? He didn’t call me everyday like he used to be. I was the one who called him every day. Is this because he didn’t want to talk to me too?

Why do things turned out this way? I never expect things like this. I’m sad! I’m depressed. I didn’t message him in the morning when I wake up. Now, it is me. I DON’T PLAN to message him. He called while I was showering. When I called back, his phone is off. I don’t know why it is like that. I then received message from him telling “I fetch you” it is not “Good morning honey”. I waited until 6.45AM. He is not here yet. I thought he might not come anymore and so I decided to go to the campus myself because if I don’t go out that time I’ll be late. I tried calling him to confirm with him if he is coming. His phone is off again! So I messaged telling “I think you really don’t have to come. I’ll go myself. It is late.” I walked out of home slowly, thinking if I should wait just a little more. I then told Joanne “Actually he said he will come fetch us today. Should we wait or go ourselves?” 

As usual, she didn’t answer so I decided to go ourselves. Arrived at the junction where I got to cross the road, Kelvin’s car stopped. He apologized once we open the door. We didn’t talk much in the car. Both of us kept quiet. He looked sleepy. I asked him if he slept late last night. He said he slept once I hung up the call. He felt sick that was why he didn’t fetch me these days because he wanted to sleep longer. OMG! I didn’t know about this but is this true? I don’t know if I should still trust him. Arrived to campus, Joanne got down and I was still in the car telling him goodbye. He looked so down. I kissed him on his lips. It felt so different as if he didn’t want my kiss anymore. I asked him “You don’t want?” He said “No, I want!” I hesitated but we kissed again. I stopped him and asked “Do you really love me?” He looked a little angry saying “Stupid question.” I can feel my tears filling my eyes. I didn’t know why it is like that. I’m afraid the tears will drop because whenever it comes to relations, I am not tough at all! I hate dropping tears in front of people. Not even my parents or my brother. I don’t like people to see my sad face. That was why I always try my best to smile to people. 

I quickly opened the door and I told him “I won’t be messaging you. You message me when you’re free. If you’re busy, then forget about it. Do your things. You don’t have to message because I don’t want to wait for a no-reply message.” Finished saying these words, I closed the door without listening to his reply and walked off. I walked so slowly behind Joanne. I’m afraid she’ll see me with my wet eyes. I pretended I am alright in the class. Some people asked why I look different this morning. I told them I’m not fully awake yet. They laughed. I then received message from Kelvin. He asked “Why are you like that suddenly?” I told him it is not suddenly. I really don’t want things to turn out this way. He then replied so fast like he got no class. It has been long since he last did this, messaging in the class and replying so fast.

I suddenly received reply from him and it felt so weird. He can’t receive my replies. I didn’t know why. I don’t know what I should do. He kept asking why I am not replying him. At first he was like “Hmmm… Up to you then.” This sounded like he didn’t care at all whether I will reply or not. Later, he messaged again “Honey, please. Don’t treat me like this. I’m suffering.” I feel so bad and it was like a sore reading the message. I don’t want him to suffer. I didn’t plan not to reply him. I always reply him. In fact, I always reply him once I receive his message! He then called me. I was in the class. Rehulina’s class, I won’t dare to answer the phone because I was sitting right in front of the lecturer. I cut his call. He messaged again telling “Why you cut my call? You don’t want to talk to me anymore?”

I was like NO! NO! NO! I wanted to talk to you so much! He called again and this time I let it vibrate in my bag. He messaged again telling “No reply. You cut my call and now you are not answering my call. You really don’t want to talk to me?” I feel so bad. Why is the signal so bad these days? Now I understand it was all misunderstanding. I shouldn’t put the blame on him even though he is busy. I should understand more. I called him once my class ended but my call got cut again because of his phone. When he calls back, my phone was auto-off because there isn’t battery left. I quickly changed the SIM card into my china mobile but this phone, too, low battery! What a bad day!

At last I managed to talk to him, explaining why I didn’t answer his call and all. Soon after the call, he received all my messages and said we should stop messaging for the moment because both my phones have already ran out of battery and his phone battery sucks. He ended the message by telling how much he missed me and he loves me. On the way home, I met him in FK. He said he’ll send me home. He told me he was having backache and that he wanted to rest so much. After Joanne got down from the car, I quickly placed my palm onto his forehead checking if he is having fever. At the same time, I’m blaming myself. Blaming on how stupid I am to think I shouldn’t trust him anymore. Blaming on how dumb I am not to have confident on the guy I love. We chatted and said sorry to each other in the car.

Since then he has been sleeping the whole day. He messaged when he wakes up. The messages woke me up. The way he texted, it sounded like he was so tired but yet, he replied me. I didn’t blame him this time although all his messages were just “Yea…” one word. Only one word in his message sent to me. I didn’t know what to tell him. I kept reminding him to drink more, rest more and take medicine. I really hope he can recover faster. I don’t want him to be sick. I don’t want him to be sad. 

I was online and chatted with Teik Ming about us. Teik Ming only got to know I have a boyfriend today and he told me not to lose to people who commented about us because Li Ting is not a loser. She only wants to WIN. He, in fact, supported me and he didn’t feel shock at all hearing Kelvin is an Indonesian. Speaking of that, he is the one and only friend of mine, so far, not feeling surprised or shocked hearing about it. He said there is no barrier between nationalities as long as the guy treats me good. He reminded me to find him if I have problems in my relation and that he’ll be there to back me up. I never thought Teik Ming is such a nice friend because he always teases me but not this time. I guess he knew I’m going serious with Kelvin. 

I’m so sorry. I feel so sorry to Kelvin. I shouldn’t bring things up again and again and make him sad. I’m deeply sorry.

Pharmacology and Therapy practical

I don’t like the way Pharmacology department arrange the time for us. They should have followed the timetable given but right now they are arranging time according to their timetable and make us skip our classes in FKG. Lecturers are always smart. They threw all the responsibility to us, students to talk to the other lecturers about the time changed. In the end, students were scolded, blamed, nagged and many others.

Dr. Zul told one of the regular students to inform us this morning that we will be having our practical at 2PM. All of us don’t like having practical at 2PM because by having practical that time, we will have 4 hours of free time. Then Ali told us to join the class replacement of our Ilmu Bedah with the regulars today at 12PM. Alright… so we went having breakfast, again, 4 of us, Fransiscca, Desi, Joanne and me at Golden Yen at Jl. S. Parman. While eating I received call from Andrew about the latest news. He said the practical today is at 10AM not 2PM. When he called it was already 10.30AM. I was so shocked hearing that, quickly asked if the lecturer and everybody is in the lab already. He then said since everybody is not around, we will start practical at 11AM. Fuhh~ Thank GOD I don’t have to rush!

Sometimes I do think going places by car make us arrive slower. We four were among the last people who entered the lab. I still feel great nausea in me then… not specifically because of the food like previous days but I think most probably because I was feeling very well added up with Desi’s driving skill. Joanne felt the same too! We have rabbits today as our specimens and they all were so CUTE but they STINK!

Kelvin passed by the lab and he was standing there staring so I waved at him. He smiled and walked away. Radha then suddenly walked to me asking why I didn’t tell him I had a boyfriend already and how long have we been together. She asked me to show her our pictures. I only got one in my phone. She looked and smiled and commented saying the way we smile was so similar. Both of us having sweet smile, same angle *giggles* I just smiled listening this. I didn’t know who suddenly shouted “THERE! Li Ting’s boyfriend standing there looking!” Kesu then shouted “KELVIN!” I was stunned!

Everybody looked. All I can do is just smile to all of them, uttering no words! Umaiyal quickly said “Oh? Li Ting, so this is the guy you miss la?” What happened next was, all these girls purposely walk around the lab and pass by the door with glass where Kelvin was standing with ZW and Arlies to check out how Kelvin looked and this Umaiyal come up with “OMG! Li Ting! The FAT one?!” My respond was quick! “NO la… That’s ZW, my housemate!” She smiled so widely, of course, those bitchy evil smile that she always gave, saying “Oh? So it was the other guy. Hey… GOOD Li Ting, GOOD! He’s CUTE!” Frankly speaking, I was happy listening others praising my darling wee~

Then the other girls slowly came to me one by one and asked things like when we started and all of them were telling he looks good, some said he is cute *giggles* but nobody thought he was an Indonesian. Nobody thought I will be with an Indonesian. So after that hoo-haa in the lab when Kelvin was there, people start walk by me just to disturb, whispering or screaming “Kelvin” from time to time since the lecturer was not around for so long.

After lab, I told Joanne what was happening at the back of the lab. She said she knew because it wasn’t only happening at the back. In fact, the whole class heard “Kelvin’s Li Ting’s boyfriend.” Well, I guess right now, it is very clear to everybody that we are couple. I seriously never thought the whole class was talking about it OMG! Gossipers~

I took photos with the bunny that day =)

Long time no see PEOPLE! So sorry for the dead blog all these while >.<

It has been long since the last time I posted here. Life has been hectic and I got not time to go online. Wow~ Really sounded like a busy lady right? *giggles* Well, let me update myself here! I just sat for my Mid Semester Examination. Some of the results were out and they are very OK! XD There are a lot of assignments waiting for me and I have to always do them in a rush >.< What to do? All of you know I’m a last-minute doer right? Hehe…

I’ve been learning how to cook! I gave grandma calls to ask her for guidance and I’ve tried cooking a few times. Of course it didn’t taste like grandma’s cooking. I miss her food so much! Plan going to Redang with family was canceled because we were told that our Final Examinations will be postponed. I’m not happy with that at all. I’ll have my first patient this Friday for my Dental Radiology practical. Right now, I am so nervous, yet excited! I’m afraid I couldn’t interpret the roentgenogram taken.

As for relations, Bong and I are friends again. I really hope that he understands I got no feeling for him and that I only treat him as my friend, not more than that! Rubin and I are still quite close. He tells me whenever he has problems and he asked a lot about me. Don’t mistake this; he didn’t call me every night like what he did already. He likes a girl now, my senior. I’m in love right now. He is an Indonesian Chinese. He is now taking his 2nd year studies in the Faculty of Medicine, University of North Sumatera. He is cute! He is caring and he treats me really good! Remember the cute guy I was telling you people here?

You people don’t have to guess. It is HIM! Kelvin Yuwanda! I bet you people never thought I’ll accept a guy so fast right? Yea… I’m feeling the same here. In fact, I was shocked myself how I suddenly am so ADVANCED now. I accepted him. We started our relation last Saturday which was on the 28th March 2009, 2133hours (Medan, Indonesia time). Nobody knows about this yet. Both of us didn’t tell any of our friends yet. I’m not planning to tell my family first because I know they sure will object. Mummy just gave me a call yesterday talking about all these and I’m not happy at all. Kelvin promised to go through all the obstacles with me. He has been planning a lot. He plans about our future, about everything. He is a sensitive guy where he knows every time I’m not happy. I didn’t know how he can feel it. I love him now and I don’t want to lose him.

I can’t wait to go home, back to Malaysia. I miss everybody there!