These days I feel strange in myself. I feel like want to know more about him. Him here is my very housemate, the skinny guy next door. Long ago, I knew how much he cares for me but of course not my 3rd semester in Medan. That was terrible speaking of him. This semester, he changed the way I looked at him again. I really wonder which is the real him. He can be very nice and yet he can be horrible. These days he has been treating me good. He helped me a lot and cares for me a lot. He cares for me better now than before. Perhaps I didn’t realize how much he cared until lately?
I joined the so-called Roland Music Concert which was actually a road show, introducing Roland’s new products on keyboards especially. The keyboard player was awesome with his techniques. I envied him. I can never play that way! Before attending the road show in Garuda Plaza Hotel, I had dinner with See Theng, Ethan, Roxanne, Kam Hoong and Bong in Jaya Bangunan. See Theng cooked for us and trust me. She really can cook even though it tasted a little salty but I can complain no more. I don’t know cooking. So we were late to the hotel but the road show had just started by the time we arrived. Everybody went in pairs. I felt awkward if I’m going alone and that was why I actually planned not to go. Bong knew I love music and so he promised me to accompany me there. He looked so tired. He donated blood right before he went out with me.
Others are in pairs. Of course they were sitting together. So did Bong and I. We were quiet at first. I paid attention to the music played, also the way that Italian played music. I don’t know how and when we started talking. This was the first time I felt so happy chatting with him. We finally apologized and forgave each other for everything that happened in the past, which includes how I hurt him, how he treated me last semester, how we both were not considerate at all and also our stubbornness. Toward the end of the road show, he asked me if I received an email from him last semester. He sent it on the last day of the semester but I didn’t remember receiving any unknown email. He said this is fate. If I received it, we might not be talking so happily now.
I never thought all the couples were enjoying the music so much. They were really paying attention to it. It turned out that only we both, the singles, talking to ourselves, care not about the music at all. After enjoying the great music, we went back to Jaya Bangunan. There, we had a surprise birthday party for Kang. As usual, I still feel that I can’t clique well with the people around here. I felt I’m alone there even though there were so many people around me. I didn’t know the reason but it seemed like I only can talk well with See Theng and Roxanne.
There were tons of assignments waiting for me at home. After showering, I continue doing my work until 6 in the morning. I took a cup of coffee which gave me a great nausea throughout the night. Roughly about 4am, Bong woke up to complete his work. There, we messaged each other, chatting, like the old us during our 1st and 2nd semester. Again, I took the risk. I asked him a question I think I shouldn’t ask because I think he will be so shy to answer me. I was wondering why he is treating me so good nowadays. Alright! I admit I am always in a VERY blur-case status when it comes to relation matters. I remember mummy telling me no guys will treat girls good unless he loves her.
So I asked ‘do you still have feelings for me as much as last time, or less, or much more, or not at all?’ Am I stupid enough to ask such a question! Maybe I can’t think well that time when I asked. I was so tired and sleepy. Surprisingly, he answered ‘Honestly, my feelings for you now is in fact, deeper to be compared to last time but I know we are just friends now. I don’t dare to hope more and I don’t dare to ask you for hope. Let time decide for us. Be yourself, be myself. We’ll know what to do one day.’
I woke up late today and then continue with my assignments. I’m happy with myself. I never thought I manage to finish up all the work by myself. I don’t like it when those people fool around wasting their time and wait for my answers to copy and paste it as their work like that. Why must I the one who work and they enjoy themselves? They can sleep and watch movies all day long, while me? Stuck with my laptop, fingers busy moving around the keyboard, typing the journals. Why must I be so DUMB!? I really hate those people! I hate myself this way too =(
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