Saturday, September 17, 2011

When SHE says goodbye


I woke up with a so-so feeling. As usual, after preparing myself, I head out to campus for work, wondering what patient I’ll face on the day. On the way, the aunty sitting in front of me in that public transport cried after receiving a call. I started thinking at that very moment, “what kind of news can bring sorrows like that? Death?” then I told myself not to have such negative thinking in the morning. I was walking to my faculty from the 2nd gate of my university which was right opposite the newly built teaching hospital when I received an ‘unknown’ call. It was 8.10AM Medan time on the 10th of September 2011. Reading the word ‘unknown’, I thought it was a call from either my Indian friends (they love hiding their numbers) or my patients. No, I got my guess wrongly.

That was my mother’s voice on the phone. It was a call from family. It was a call telling me my grandma has left and gone to a better world. My mind suddenly went blank. It was nothing in my mind. I couldn’t think. I sat alone outside the department, away from my co-ass mates with my watery eyes. One of them who came late, saw me there and asked “Li Ting, why are you looking so sad today? Cheer up!” I replied “my grandma passed away this morning.” I don’t know how else to answer the question asked. I went meeting the head of department to talk to him about this to get permission for being absent a few days in the clinic. He was very nice. I bought ticket to fly home that night itself.

My grandmother was diagnosed lung cancer stage 4 about 2 months back. We didn’t know she was sick until one day she complained chest pain. We thought it might be something wrong with her heart. We sent her to the hospital for further check up and the doctor got an X-ray of her thorax. Only then, we knew it was something wrong with her lung. It continued with bronchoscopy and CT scan. There were a few other tests done, which in the end a neurologist called up my family members to have an appointment to meet up on the 8th of August. Anyway, the neurologist in charge didn’t show up. In fact, a young doctor came to talk to my family. She told nothing much, just the fact that, it’s lung cancer, stage 4, metastasis to the brain thus operation can’t be done, so do chemotherapy. Only medications like analgesic and anti-inflammation will be given to reduce pain and swell. That’s all.

My brother tried to ask more since the others in the family can’t speak fluent English, but the doctor said she is just a doctor from the pulmo department. So my brother opened up the file and read the report himself to try to understand more. It was written short and précised “brain has mets. Opportunity of life for more than 3 months is very low. Family has been informed and they accepted.” I guess that’s the informed consent? I’m not so sure. I’m sad knowing about this news, about the bad prognosis.

I felt bad because I didn’t get to meet her ever since she’s sick. I stayed up on the night I was home for the funeral. I talked to my aunties and grandfather. They told me a lot about what had happened these few months. I cried the moment I saw my grandfather’s sorrow face. He told me “don’t worry. She went away well. She was glad that all her children and grandchildren cared so much for her. All she wished was this family to stay happy.”

1 comment:

Dentist in new york city said...

Big loss!!! but i am feeling proud that i am reading your blog i am learning how to express feelings!!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...